Until Then, We’ll Have to Muddle Through Somehow

I love Christmas. Everything about it. Glitter! Lights! Music! Celebrations! Novelty knitwear! Bank holiday cinematic stalwarts! Rampant consumerism! All of it.

This year is different. I want to be excited about Christmas, but I’m apprehensive. It’s always hard to be upbeat after bereavement, or indeed any difficult phase of life. Christmas is simultaneously the happiest and saddest time of the year.

I was today years old when I found out there are two distinct versions of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I previously thought lyric variations were just C r E a T i V i T y. As it turns out, there’s a sad version (the original) and the later, in-the-present-happiness version.

The original – sung by Judy Garland in Meet Me in St Louis – is sombre, yet hopeful. It recognises that this year isn’t easy, but looks to the future with a belief that life will be better, and good times will reign again. There’s a beautiful, pared-down rendition by Jon Batiste and Danielle Brooks on Spotify that fits perfectly with the sentiment of the lyrics.



These are the original lyrics:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be
Out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yule-tide gay
Next year all our troubles will be
Miles away

Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more 

Someday soon, we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, well have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

This is exactly how I look at Christmas this year. We’ll still have presents under the tree and animated chatter around the table. But there are two people missing, and the whole thing might not be as effortless as in previous years. Still, we’ll persevere, do our best, and look forward to the lightness and joy of future Christmases.

After a long year of hookin’…

Today marks a whole year since I took up crochet. I tried to learn a few times previously, but my initial enthusiasm waned immediately in response to the usual novice hooker annoyances; wonky chains, dropped stitches, extra-tight tension, and first sample pieces that resembled a small trapezium army. Mum always tried to help, but my all-or-nothing attitude jumped right out, causing an incredible sulk and a vow never to try crochet again. Which is very positive behaviour for a grown adult.

Anyway, this time last year I decided to give it another go. One of my best friends was about to have her first baby, and the lovely blankets and clothes my Mum made inspired me to try again. I borrowed one of her 4mm hooks and some spare DK and cued up a few YouTube videos. I wanted to do it that way, because if I ended up having a strop (and ofc I did), it would only be directed at a screen. Mum gave me a hand when I needed it, and gradually it all began to click. I made my first granny square within a couple of days, and haven’t looked back since.

I love crochet. It's been one of the greatest – and most surprising – joys of my life. That might sound a bit OTT, but it’s absolutely true. It’s a source of achievement, comfort, and relaxation; a creative outlet that’s taught me an actual skill. I really appreciate handmade things, and it’s been lovely to give special presents to my friends and family that I’ve crafted from start to finish.

There’s also a wonderful and vibrant online crochet community, particularly on Instagram, Reddit, YouTube, and Ravelry. People are always supportive, and they’re willing to hype every kind of project, whether you’re a beginner, expert, or somewhere in between. Alongside my irl homies who hook, it’s just a lovely collective of crochet queens.

Speaking of hooking heroes, my most beloved crochet YouTubers are:

Jayda In Stitches – My absolute favourite! Jayda is a quirky Canadian with a gentle demeanour and lovely teaching style. She goes through everything slowly and clearly, which has been instrumental in my learning process. Jayda’s tutorials helped me to unlock granny squares, C2C, the bean stitch, and cinch circles, and she’s currently teaching me to make Christmas decorations! I always go to Jayda’s channel first when I want to learn something new, and I can’t recommend her highly enough.

Blossom Crochet – A very sweet lady who loves her sparkly rainbow wool! Her tutorials are well-paced and easy to understand. And if you need a left-handed tutorial, she films alternate versions of pretty much everything.

Bella Coco – I reckon most folks have heard already heard of Bella Coco, with good reason – she has a tutorial for everything on her YouTube channel. She taught me how to master the waffle stitch, which I love for scarves, wraps, and small blankets. I’m also learning Tunisian crochet with her!

Persia Lou/Alexis Middleton – The first crochet tutorial I ever watched – before I even braved the hook again – was her simple chunky beanie. I’ve now made it a few times, and it’s still one of my favourites. Her blog is also a handy resource.

Crochet Crowd – Mikey is a charming, talented crochet king. His tutorials are easy to follow and you’ll find just about anything crochet-related on his channel.

Fiber Flux – Jennifer's channel is beautifully organised (check out her playlists) and she has a lovely range of beginner projects, as well as more technical pieces, unique items, and product reviews.

If you've been thinking about learning to crochet, go for it! This is an especially good time of year to get started; there's nothing like wrapping up warm in a scarf, hat, or blanket you've made from scratch.

Here's to many more years of happy hooking!

Thank you for waiting.

Did you know that on New Year’s Eve 1994, the good people of Kiribati moved their clocks forward by 15 hours, creating a brand new time zone? The International Date Line was redrawn in the South Pacific, swerving around the tiny nation’s islands. Finally, everyone in Kiribati worked to the same time.

Just like Kiribati, a special time zone exists around me. It’s called Jenah Standard Time (JST), and its divergence from the meridian is quite unpredictable.

JST’s flexibility is part of its spurious charm. Sometimes it’s 15 minutes early, often it’s at least 10 minutes late, and very rarely, it’s in harmony with the rest of the world.

JST is a pain. I know it is. Some of you have been waiting for a lot longer than 10 minutes. Even this blog has waited for two-and-a-half years!

But you have waited, with patience, compassion, and unyielding kindness. You know and I know that I’m not myself right now. I haven’t been for a while. And while I take tiny steps to get back in sync with the loud, opinionated, hilarious, very cool, extremely fashionable, and faultlessly modest person I am at my best, I know that you’ll still wait for me. What I don’t know is why or how I am so blessed to have you.

So, this is a massive thank you. For accepting every version of me.

So, how have you been?

Oh hi there!

For someone who self-identifies as a writer, I've not been very good at tapping the keys in the direction of this here blog. My apologies. It's been something of a whirlwind since last we spoke. I left my previous job, which was a yuge deal. My friends gave me the most wonderful send-off, and it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge them here. So, thank you Casswinder, Sarwah, Dixsitta, C-Ry, my Obs homies, and everyone who dropped in or sent lovely messages. It was a beautiful day that warmed my heart more than I can adequately express. It's been less than two months, but it feels like a lifetime ago since I left; and whilst I certainly miss the people, I don't miss the job. It was the right decision in March, and remains the same now.

I've also been on holiday, ain't I? The fam took a trip to Florida, which was beaut as always. Classic Calamity Jen occurred though, obviously; there was a heatwave (in an already sweltering destination, I know), in which temperatures sailed far beyond the mid-30s (plus humidity), and your jolly pale narrator developed heatstroke. Outstanding effort. I was fine for the first week, then became a bit over-confident and sat out for too long on a blisteringly hot afternoon. When I eventually decided to go inside for a reprieve, there was a lady being treated for heatstroke en route (she was OK though!), and I thought wow good decision Jenwah, you have been saved from the fate of Icarus. Unfortunately, the following morning it hit me. I've been to Florida nine times; almost every time I've been sunburnt, had a couple of dodgy tums, but I've never had heatstroke. And I've been in July. So I think there is some truth to the idea that after your first proper heatstroke, you're a bit more susceptible to it. Thanks for that, Frisco. Actually, it was my own fault. Sitting on an open-top bus for a couple of hours in (another) unexpected heatwave wasn't the best choice. Learn from my mistake, lads. Respect the sun and stay hydrated innit. And forgive me if I don't fancy events that involve heat and/or sun; I'm not being a brat, I'm just a bit tired of feeling faint for a couple of weeks afterwards. Icy bants? I am THERE. Anyway, aside from the heatstroke, I had a lovely time! I was apprehensive about visiting Trump's America, but I didn't notice much of a change. Saw a couple of Trump/Pence signs, that was about it. I had a brilliant conversation with a skycap just before we flew home; he assured me that there were less than four years to go, and everything would be put right. I hope for his sake that his prediction comes true.

As well as all of that excitement, I turned THIRTY at the end of May. When I turned twenty, I was thoroughly disgruntled with the apparent loss of my youth. At this milestone, I feel completely different. It has restored my hope, given me new focus, and re-affirmed the faith I have in myself to implement the changes that I want in my life. I'm also trialling the command to 'respect your elders', to limited success. I will persevere. I had a fabulous celebration with my close family and best friends on the day, and I've been thoroughly spoiled with presents and bougie dinners ever since. I am very grateful for all of the time and effort that has been showered upon me.

Since leaving my previous job, I have found my way into freelance writing. It was almost by chance; I'd joined a freelance platform and secured my first job, a small data entry task. The person who hired me checked my profile and found that I am a writer, then offered me a regular writing gig. In the words of Terry Tibbs, I couldn't fackin' believe it. I'm just starting out, so I have to be realistic about my hourly rate, but I'm being paid to build a portfolio, which is a hard thing to come by, so I am bare haps. The people I work with are also really kind and give great feedback; for example, on Friday I was told I am a 'copy wizard', which was a lovely boost, and got me thinking about whether I can deduct a wizard costume as a business expense. I'll keep you posted.

Aside from all of that, I am trying to get to grips with the healthy vibes. My mind is starting to feel rested, and sincere happiness on a regular basis is beginning to creep in. I haven't done a great deal of exercise since I came back from Florida, and if I'm completely honest, I've been a bit apprehensive about overheating and taking steps backward in terms of heat tolerance. But I have to try to get past it. One thing at a time. Right now, I'm re-focusing on getting my eating right. During the weekdays, I'm doing much better. It's in the evening, whilst I'm waiting for my parents to come home so I can serve dinner, that Mr Snack and the Snackettes start calling out to me with their siren song. I'm finding the Instagram account to be helpful in terms of accountability, however, and I'll be uploading my second vlog this week. The first one can be found here.

So, that's me! Very nice to be back. Jah bless!

Peace x

All good things.

I've written so many posts, on this here blog, about the importance of following our dreams. I've asked you, what would you do if you weren't afraid? I've told you, we are here for too brief a time not to pursue a wonderful life. And yet, for all those pretty words, I've not demonstrated commitment to my own ambitions. I have whinged about the stress of my job, allowed it to make me ill, and patched the damage with temporary solutions. The security of a regular salary, and the desire to fill the spaces of my life with things, pushed me so far from my aspirations that the route back to them seemed too risky to ever pursue.

Until recently, that is. I've had plenty of reminders that time is precious, and it's never guaranteed. Over a number of years I have told myself there would be a right time to go for it, possibly announced by an angel dressed in a bed sheet and a tinsel halo. Then I remembered that my life is not a nativity play. ALAS.

I realised that the right time might never reveal itself so clearly. And that in actual fact, there might never be a more opportune time than right now. So I did something for me.

I resigned.

Just like that. It was two weeks ago today, during what should have been my quarterly review. My new manager (as of February) was so sweet about it, even though it must have been a complete shock. Side note: this decision has absolutely nothing to do with him, nor my previous manager. I have been blessed with outstanding managerial bants.

As soon as I told him, I quite literally felt a burden begin to lift. Don't get me wrong; I am eternally grateful that the company simply gave me a chance. The job market in 2010 was savage, and it was certainly a gamble to take on someone with two very expensive pieces of paper but no experience in clinical research. If I'm completely honest, I didn't know what my job acronym meant for about three days. Still, a temporary admin job transformed into a permanent role, which eventually begat a junior monitor position, and now I find myself juggling responsibilities and doing things that I once thought impossible, every day. But the role itself is no longer right for me, and vice versa. There's no shame in admitting that. I had very little confidence at the age of 23, and while it's still a work-in-progress, I'm proud of the fierce determination that has emerged in the person I am now.

So, what's the plan? Firstly, I'm taking three months off. YIKES, RIGHT!? Not really. The last few summers have been rough in terms of mental health and tropical office conditions, and I don't want to reach the stage where the prospect of warmth becomes an irrational fear. So I'm going to do lots of nice summer things, like reading in the sunshine, walking barefoot on grass, and wearing short dungarees. Basically a supersoaker and a paddling pool away from the actual 90s. I'm also planning to do a lot of writing. The goal is to finish my novel, which is currently in the second draft stage. I'll be focusing on my health, too. The break will be good for my brain, and the time will allow me to improve my fitness, complimenting the healthy eating I've maintained since January. Finally, and most importantly, I'm clearing the calendar to make space for my peeps. I've been off the radar for too long; I want to spend my precious time with lovely people. Beyond that, I'm considering a PhD, perhaps contracting for a while, or full-time writing. Maybe it'll be something new entirely.

I have been inspired, as I often am, by my amazing friends. Whether it's buying a one-way ticket to India, or climbing Kilimanjaro, or becoming a paediatric nurse, or having the courage to leave teaching for a new career, or pursuing musical aspirations, or running marathons, or simply doing what you love; there is plenty of motivation to go around. I am grateful for all of you.

It would be remiss of me to finish this post without mentioning the most difficult aspect of leaving my current job; the people. The strength of any organisation lies with its employees. I am extremely fortunate to have worked with dozens (hundreds? Lol turnover...) of talented people from all over the world, who have shown me support, guidance, kindness, and most importantly, friendship. Most of you know how turbulent the last seven years have been; it would have been impossible to keep working without my daytime family. The prospect of no longer seeing them every day is still difficult to come to terms with. But friendships endure. We'll still laugh about shared memories and in-jokes. We will celebrate the amazing things that happen in the future. Our lives will evolve but our paths will never diverge too far from one another. Of that I'm certain.

Right now I'm experiencing a range of contrasting emotions; sometimes I am a bit scared of the complete unknown. However I'm also quite relieved by my decision, and a bit more relaxed, and I care slightly less about trivial things, which is actually pretty healthy. Mostly, I'm really excited about the great possibilities that lie ahead.

Peace x

15 for 15

Ahlan wa sahlan!

It's the MOST wonderful time of the year! Yes indeed, my little messengers of Yahweh, it's Christmas! I haven't felt especially festive this year, but I'm kind of getting there. I've finished work for the year and have watched Home Alone twice, so with a sprinkle of fairy dust I'll be feeling as seasonal as a Christmas pudding smothered in brandy butter with cream and ice cream, resting on a bed of tinsel, next to a cracker, while receiving the Queen's speech. And a partridge in a mahfuckin' pear tree. *Mic drop*

Anyway! The end of the year is also a time for reflection, and for the past couple of years I've performed an exercise in musical navel-gazing in the form of the n1 for n2 series, where n1 = the last two digits of the four-digit year identifier, and n2 = the same as n1. We've had 13 for 13 and 14 for 14, and in a shock twist, I present to you 15 for 15; a selection of tracks from 2015 that have been especially pleasing to the ear. Yalla! Let's go!


15. Let Me Be // Bondax feat. Bo Saris
Imagine the following objects: a piece of polished chrome, a (faux) fur rug, a wooden sculpture that has been given the fine sandpaper treatment, a bowl of melted chocolate, and a silk scarf. All of these things are smooth, but they ain't as smooth as this song! OH! Yes, Bondax feat. Bo Saris, you may be my gentleman.

14. Broken Generation // Of Mice & Men
CAN YOU HEAR THEM CALLING? Well, can you? Of Mice & Men have just one line of inquiry, and they'd really like to gather some further information on the matter. This song really surprised me; it's easy to write metalcore off as a bit shite scene; the kind of music reserved for surly teenagers with dyed black hair and plug earrings (magnetic, from Claire's; don't worry, we've all been there). Certainly, this is the kind of music I would have absolutely loved during my adolescence, but I found my 28-year-old self headbanging (lol soz yoots) to the drums and guitars and screaming and even the bits that didn't involve screaming. A fantastic burst of nostalgia, and more importantly, a great song in its own right. Never did receive any resolution as to whether they were heard calling, though. Ragrets.

13. Smooth Sailin' // Leon Bridges
Blues meets soul meets Raphael Saadiq-esque vibes meets something unquantifiable but completely fresh and unique. There's a lot of intersection here. WE NEED AN URGENT VENN DIAGRAM PLZ. Anyway, Leon Bridges' album, Coming Home, is completely gorgeous, and this is my standout track.

12. Love Like Mine // Miami Horror feat. Cleopold
I'm a big fan of things that are neon. Music is not neon, but this song is about as close to hearing neon as you'll get. It's a giddy mix of funk and synthpop, brought bang up to date for Generation Y. And y the funk not?

11. She Knows // Ne-Yo feat. Juicy J
Firstly, lol Juicy J. I'll be needing that on a t-shirt (that is a LIE). I make it a general rule of my existence to reject the output of Ne-Yo as vociferously as the bidding of Satan himself. However, this song caught me off-guard. The chorus makes me want to dance awkwardly at da club (only til about 11, mind; my musculoskeletal system isn't built for the long-term dutty wine as it once was), showing out with my homegurls and hypnotising any gentleman suitors, as the song alludes to. TLDR; Ne-Yo is shit, but this song is not. Juicy J is conceptually hilarious and horrific in equal measure.

10. King // Years & Years
I could listen to Olly Alexander's beautiful voice for quite literally years and years. OH SNAP. King is pop perfection; dance-friendly beat, delicious melody, and a chorus that's easy to sing/shout after a few sherbets.

9. House Every Weekend // David Zowie
When it comes to House Every Weekend (House Every Weekend House Every Weekend), I'm super enthused. Hearing this for the first time was a massive blast from the past; were it not for a lack of Turkey Dinosaurs for dinner and Sister Sister on the tellybox, I would have sworn blind it was the summer of 1995. Good vibes.

8. Huarache Lights // Hot Chip
Guys! Hot Chip! Remember Hot Chip? They were all ready for the (inside outside left side work that) floor, and now they're here to spread the word of Huarache Lights. I'm not sure of the song's meaning, but it's either a critique of the mechanisation of production, or just about dancing about in ya Nikes, like. There is no movement outside of those interpretations, for this is the word of the LORD.

7. Delilah // Florence + the Machine
Delilah packs a lot into five minutes, let me tell you. It starts off slow, then there's a drum just creeping in, some controlled shrieking (I don't think that's unfair guyz), followed by what I can only describe as the 'main bit', accompanied by a sick beat (not verified by Taylor Swift, but I'm rogue as fuck). There's an amazing 30-second interlude from 3:04 onwards, before Delilah's final flourish. Roarsome.

6. I Don't Fuck With You // Big Sean feat. E-40
There is nothing about this song I do not cherish and adore. I should be offended by the aggressive misogynistic language, but sometimes I just do not give a fuck about a stupid-ass bitch, and I do have a million trillion things I'd rather concern myself with. It's something to which we can all relate. Even if you hold legitimate concerns about the content, the sample is outstanding, and the breakdown at the end is just perfection ("yeah I know that karma too real so I hope you doing cool, but still stupid-ass bitch I aint fucking with you!"). Shout out to my homie Sarah; this is our specific 'lunchtime cruising to Sainsbury's' soundtrack. It's about as inappropriate as you'd expect.

5. Hotline Bling // Drake
Generally, the aforementioned Ne-Yo rule applies to Drake. I've never really liked his music, apart from the bits of Crew Love that are performed exclusively by The Weeknd. ¡However! This song, man. It's so fucking good. I played it solidly on repeat for about a week and it didn't get old. I think a lot of it is to do with the video, in which Drake performs his best/worst dad dance and still manages to chirpse da hoes. When I listen to Hotline Bling, I can imagine the exquisite awkwardness of the whole situation, which makes the song even betterer.

4. Can't Feel My Face // The Weeknd
Oh, The Weeknd. Your hair is madness but dat voice is angelic. I love all the layers and intricacy of this song, as well as one of the interpretations of its meaning, that being the euphoria of infatuation. It's also kind of about smack or crack or shellac; whatever the kids are shoving up their noses these days. Look, I'm old, irrelevant, and went to a convent school, OK? I know nothing of the street. Anyway, if I were Tony the Tiger (which I should propose as a career development goal), I would give my verdict of this song as follows: GRRRRRRREAT.
(Sorry.)

3. On The Regular // Shamir
I don't even know where to start with this fucking masterpiece. There's a cow bell, extensive synth, dope beats, sick lyrics, and the glitter-glue holding the whole thing together; Shamir. It's impossible to describe the exact combination of factors that makes On The Regular so incredible; I mean, I can't even figure out the genre. It's disco-hiphop-synthpop dipped in gold and sprinkled with diamonds. That's the best I can do. Listen to this song and embrace its strange beauty. Just don't try to touch Shamir's crown though, because there will be scandal.

2. Love Yourself // Justin Bieber
I know. It's Justin Bieber. I'm not going to deny that he's still kind of a penis, but he's had a bladdy impressive musical comeback.  I'll discuss Purpose in greater detail shortly, but trust that it was difficult to select just one track for this list. In the end I went for Love Yourself; there's something about the scaled-back arrangement, the crushing defiance of the lyrics, and the vulnerability in Biebs' vocal, that makes it completely irresistible.

1. Pedestrian At Best // Courtney Barnett
The crux of my perpetual love for Pedestrian At Best is that it's essentially a ranting monologue set to guitars and drums, but that doesn't do it the justice it rightly deserves. When Courtney Barnett roars "put me on a pedestal and I'll only disappoint you" in an unrepentant Aussie inflection, you're right there with her. Fucking right, Courtney, we're all having an existential time crisis. AND THAT'S OK. Pedestrian At Best is raw and meandering and fucking excellent and I love it.

Album of the Year
Justin Bieber // Purpose
I'm sorry, but I'm also really not sorry (is it too late now to say sorrynotsorry?). I have to hand it to the guy, Purpose is well-written, well-produced, and well-delivered. I'm not sure to what extent JB himself was involved in the foundation work, but the end result is impressive. I listened to the whole album several times, and while there are peaks and troughs in quality, there are no real clangers. I get that there's a high cringe factor, and trust that I was sceptical before the first listen, but it's worth a bash, nah?
Album highlights: What Do You Mean?; Sorry; Love Yourself; The Feeling; Where Are Ü Now; Trust

Soundtrack of the Year
Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Come on, man! What else was it going to be?


I've created a Spotify playlist containing the 15 for 15 winners, which can be found by clicking here and entering the following password: kylorenisatwat2k15. Jk, there is no password, but Kylo Ren is a twat (#nospoilerz).

Peace x

14 for 14

Aloha Inwestigators!

It's been a while since last we met. How have you been? You smell nice. Here's a brief summary of my antics since the end of November, in no semblance of chronological order:

- Office Christmas party! There was an abundance of the following: wine, vodka (pre-party), singing, table-based horn action, dancing, after-party snacks, and use of the word 'jizzmas'. A complete success.

- Actual Christmas! It was excellent! Days Christmas and Boxing were spent with my family, and many profiteroles made the ultimate sacrifice. We also had a selfie stick:



LOLJAMES.

- Christmas holidays! I have mightily enjoyed the break from work. Actually, I've enjoyed the break from my job, but I've missed THIS LOT:



- Writing! I'm currently drafting the plot of a YA novel, based on a short story I wrote last month. I was lucky enough to win a competition and have my work published on the lovely Literative blog (link here). I received awesome feedback from my friends (I may or may not have cried; YOU GUYS!), and I thoroughly enjoyed throwing myself into the post-apocalyptic world I'd created, so I'm delving back in to expand the story and flesh it out with words and shit (disclaimer: 0% faeces). I'm also in the initial stages of piecing together a story with the working title Zion. I'm really excited about developing these ideas; from research to editing and everything in between. A creative outlet is so good for me, and as obvious as it sounds, committing these ideas to paper and screen makes me feel like an actual writer. It is a most excellent feeling.

- Holidays (non-Christmas)! Shit the fucking bed, we're off to San Fran and bladdy Vegas soon! DEM FLIGHTZ. Yeah, so 12 hours in the air is not a prospect I relish, but I'm going to request some stronger medication to ensure I enjoy the experience (and by that I mean sleep through the whole fucking thing). I can't wait to immerse myself in California; it's been at the top of places I'd like to visit for a very long time. I've never really had an overwhelming desire to go to Vegas, but I've heard excellent things about it. We're staying at the Bellagio, with a fountain-facing room, so I'll make sure to bring every piece of elaborate rapper jewellery I own, because BIG PIMPIN'.

- New year! So it's January tomorrow; as such, I will be posting a review of the year / resolution EXTRAVAGANZA (disclaimer: may contain 0% extravagance / 100% faeces). 2014 has been a difficult year on balance, and I'm not sad to leave it behind. I am, however, eternally hopeful for the future, and I will saunter into 2015 with renewed enthusiasm that happiness will find me again.

Such update. Many news. Wow.

Moving on to the porpoise of this post; 14 for 14. Long-term Inwestigators may remember a review of the year in music I posted last December (imaginatively titled 13 for 13; I'm nothing without originality), and to mark the conclusion of another trip around the sun, I present to you the bestest fourteen songs of the year. Enjoy!

14. Lazaretto // Jack White



Pretty standard Jack White, which means it's fucking excellent. Velvety rock meets unfathomable lyrics. Don't bother trying to understand it without several boxes of Qaalude. Actually don't try to understand it at all, just enjoy the melody and Jack White singing words.

13. Birthday // Katy Perry



I like Katy Perry. She's talented, consistent, can bash out a dope tune, has had some fierce hair colours, but she's not quite as batshit as Minaj, which is actually quite nice. What I love about Birthday is that it's unabashed bubblegum pop, and it's executed really well. Great song for a dance about the floor or the bedroom, whatever. Live your dreams.

12. Sex // Lenny Kravitz



OHAI LENNY KRAVITZ. Where the fuck have you been? Answer: making excellent music, bitch. Sex is from lovely Lenny's album Strut, which is perf because it's an excellent strutting song. I'm certain that wasn't the primary application in mind, but there we go!

11. Uptight Downtown // La Roux



The return of my beloved La Roux, and their funky funky beats! The new album, Trouble In Paradise, was a long time in the making, but it's a beautifully crafted piece of art. The first single, Uptight Downtown, is a glorious throwback to the intersection of funk and disco of the late seventies, with bonus eighties androgyny. The last 20-30 seconds in particular are ridiculous; there's a breakdown to the outro which will have you frantically scrolling back for seconds.

10. Belong To The City // PARTYNEXTDOOR



Shoutout to Lee for introducing me to PARTYNEXTDOOR and his swirly R&B jams. Belong To The City and Sex On The Beach are my favourite songs from the album Two, but the former just edges it. Music for chilling and thinking; awesome.

9. Conrad // Ben Howard



Ben Howard; thing of beauty, creator of beauty. BEAUTY. This has been my ultimate writing tune during the latter part of the year; it helps my mind wander to faraway beaches and mountain tops. It's hella atmospheric, y'all. Just a lovely little song to escape into.

8. Wicked Games // Parra for Cuva



Oh me oh my, what a gorgeous little tune this is. Chris Isaak's Wicked Game, one of my favourite songs of all time, gets a chilled house (think Majestic Casual) remix, retaining the sombre, emotional vibe of the original. Wonderful.

7. Anaconda // Nicki Minaj



Last year I selected Blurred Lines for inclusion in the 13 for 13 list, which fulfilled the controversy quotient, being both sexist and disrespectful to the work of Marvin Gaye. At the time, I attempted to explain the existential crisis prompted by the disconnect between my ethics and my love of a damn fly beat. I find myself in a similar situation this year, with sincere thanks to Ms Minaj and her Sir Mix-A-Lot-sampling effort, Anaconda. Let's perform a scientific analysis / simple list of pros and cons. Beginning with the cons; the 'skinny bitches in the club' section is hardly body-positive, there's a considerable amount of purring, screeching, maniacal laughter, and misc vocalisations in the place of actual lyrics, an unsuccessful attempt has been made by Ms Minaj to rhyme palace with stylish, and the video is fucking terrible. Pros: almost everything else. When utilised as a (pole) dancing song, it's on point. For example, this was played at my work Christmas party, and the floor went cray. Such festive. Also, speaking as a lady Ms Minaj might identify as one of her "bitches with a fat ass in the fucking club", I appreciate the shout-out. I really do. I also acknowledge that in her own way, Ms Minaj is attempting to demonstrate body positivity to, and solidarity with, women of size. Fat ass big bitches in the club applaud you, Ms Minaj. When the pineapple ceases to revolve, will Anaconda emerge as a feminist anthem? Only time will tell.

6. Love Never Felt So Good // Michael Jackson feat. Justin Timberlake



Posthumous releases are always tricky. For me, there's often a nagging doubt over whether the end result is anywhere near what the artist wanted, for example every Tupac song that's dropped since he passed. However, the producers have done a stirling job with Love Never Felt So Good; a song which perfectly captures the vibe of Off The Wall-era MJ. The vocals are on point, and JT makes a very worthy contribution. I don't think this song received the attention and praise it deserved, but in time I hope it's appreciated along with MJ's greatest hits.

5. Luna // Bombay Bicycle Club



The acronym BBC can apply to many a great thing. The British Broadcasting Corporation, Bournemouth Borough Council, big bla... Anyway. Today I'm here to talk about the eternally wonderful Bombay Bicycle Club. Their music gives me all the happy feels, and every song is exquisitely intricate. Luna was one of the first songs I heard in 2014, and I was confident from the first play that it would be included in 14 for 14.

4. Heart and Soul // Twin Atlantic



The first time I heard this song, my immediate reaction was THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD. I stand by that initial appraisal. It's raw and energetic and yeah, I just adore it. Also, a million points for singing in regional accents. The acoustic version is also excellent.

3. Budapest // George Ezra



Oh, lovely George Ezra. Lovely George Ezra with your house in Budapest, hidden treasure chest, golden grand piano, et al. Budapest is beautiful song, in both craft and sentiment. It's incredibly profound, heartfelt, and soulful; the product of genuine talent. Hearing Ezra roar "give me one good reason why I should never make a change", even after thousands of plays, still gives me goosebumps. I could sit here all day and tell you how wonderful this song is, but you probably already know. If not, treat yourself to three minutes of gorgeousness (including the musician - Budapest-y bonus):

2. Uptown Funk // Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars



JULIO! GET THE STRETCH! Oh no you didn't, Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars! I can't express in words how much I adore this song. It's silly and camp and ridiculous and probably a bit offensive, but it's so fucking good. It makes me want to dance; not just dance, but perform in a music video, wearing a sequinned and rhinestone-encrusted suit with an equally bejewelled trilby and holographic platforms, with dodgy eighties graphics to accentuate my shape-throwing. Specifically, the rainbow-shadow hype from Blame It On The Boogie. HOT DAMN.

1. Shake It Off // Taylor Swift



Prior to Shake It Off, I never would have imagined myself to be a TayTay fan. I found her, with the utmost respect, to be profoundly annoying. However, my opinion changed for two reasons. Firstly, she is articulate, witty, and hilarious in interviews (and she's made some impressive comments about feminism). Secondly, 1989 is a genuinely fantastic album. I enjoyed Shake It Off so much that when TayTay decided to remove her music from Spotify, I actually bought the album. From iTunes. With CA$H. I have absolutely no ragrets.



Back to Shake It Off; what I appreciate more than anything is that she's answering her critics, but with a lighthearted, non-bitchy approach. The video is a glorious exercise in self-deprication (TayTay acknowledges and highlights her lack of rhythm/dancing skills), and it's executed beautifully. The closing portion, featuring people of all shapes and sizes just shaking it the fuck off, is ace. Air five, TayTay!
Perhaps I'm assigning excessive profundity to a pop song, but Shake It Off has also been a source of great encouragement during my recent anxious spells. Self-reflection is fine, but sometimes it's more valuable (and funnerer) to throw some questionable shapes (to this. sick. beat.) and get out of my head for a few minutes. Plus I've danced to this with some pretty jahmazing people, so it's intertwined with lovely memories.

SPECIAL MENTION
Sam Smith // In The Lonely Hour
Last year, I selected Sam Smith's Nirvana for the 13 for 13 list, and it remains one of my favourite songs. DAT OUTRO. His first full album, In The Lonely Hour, is amazing, jahmazing, superjahmazing, and every relevant synonym. There is not a single filler track; each song is as beautifully written and performed as the next. Smith's voice conveys so much raw emotion that he should rightly be placed alongside the great soul singers. Listen to Leave Your Lover and embrace the feels; his words and voice are just about perfect. I can't wait to hear more in 2015!



SPECIAL MENTION II
The Rua // Essence
This year's second special mention goes to the very talented Brown siblings for their excellent debut album, Essence. I'm slightly biased because my friend Alanna (Sue) is in the group, but they really are a great little group; think Fleetwood Mac meets The Corrs meets NWA. OK, maybe not NWA (yet; I'm not sure which direction their music will take for the second album). The full album can be found on Spotify (link), and their first single, Fight For What's Right, is herrrrr:



That's it! Go in peace, to love and shake it off.