All good things.

I've written so many posts, on this here blog, about the importance of following our dreams. I've asked you, what would you do if you weren't afraid? I've told you, we are here for too brief a time not to pursue a wonderful life. And yet, for all those pretty words, I've not demonstrated commitment to my own ambitions. I have whinged about the stress of my job, allowed it to make me ill, and patched the damage with temporary solutions. The security of a regular salary, and the desire to fill the spaces of my life with things, pushed me so far from my aspirations that the route back to them seemed too risky to ever pursue.

Until recently, that is. I've had plenty of reminders that time is precious, and it's never guaranteed. Over a number of years I have told myself there would be a right time to go for it, possibly announced by an angel dressed in a bed sheet and a tinsel halo. Then I remembered that my life is not a nativity play. ALAS.

I realised that the right time might never reveal itself so clearly. And that in actual fact, there might never be a more opportune time than right now. So I did something for me.

I resigned.

Just like that. It was two weeks ago today, during what should have been my quarterly review. My new manager (as of February) was so sweet about it, even though it must have been a complete shock. Side note: this decision has absolutely nothing to do with him, nor my previous manager. I have been blessed with outstanding managerial bants.

As soon as I told him, I quite literally felt a burden begin to lift. Don't get me wrong; I am eternally grateful that the company simply gave me a chance. The job market in 2010 was savage, and it was certainly a gamble to take on someone with two very expensive pieces of paper but no experience in clinical research. If I'm completely honest, I didn't know what my job acronym meant for about three days. Still, a temporary admin job transformed into a permanent role, which eventually begat a junior monitor position, and now I find myself juggling responsibilities and doing things that I once thought impossible, every day. But the role itself is no longer right for me, and vice versa. There's no shame in admitting that. I had very little confidence at the age of 23, and while it's still a work-in-progress, I'm proud of the fierce determination that has emerged in the person I am now.

So, what's the plan? Firstly, I'm taking three months off. YIKES, RIGHT!? Not really. The last few summers have been rough in terms of mental health and tropical office conditions, and I don't want to reach the stage where the prospect of warmth becomes an irrational fear. So I'm going to do lots of nice summer things, like reading in the sunshine, walking barefoot on grass, and wearing short dungarees. Basically a supersoaker and a paddling pool away from the actual 90s. I'm also planning to do a lot of writing. The goal is to finish my novel, which is currently in the second draft stage. I'll be focusing on my health, too. The break will be good for my brain, and the time will allow me to improve my fitness, complimenting the healthy eating I've maintained since January. Finally, and most importantly, I'm clearing the calendar to make space for my peeps. I've been off the radar for too long; I want to spend my precious time with lovely people. Beyond that, I'm considering a PhD, perhaps contracting for a while, or full-time writing. Maybe it'll be something new entirely.

I have been inspired, as I often am, by my amazing friends. Whether it's buying a one-way ticket to India, or climbing Kilimanjaro, or becoming a paediatric nurse, or having the courage to leave teaching for a new career, or pursuing musical aspirations, or running marathons, or simply doing what you love; there is plenty of motivation to go around. I am grateful for all of you.

It would be remiss of me to finish this post without mentioning the most difficult aspect of leaving my current job; the people. The strength of any organisation lies with its employees. I am extremely fortunate to have worked with dozens (hundreds? Lol turnover...) of talented people from all over the world, who have shown me support, guidance, kindness, and most importantly, friendship. Most of you know how turbulent the last seven years have been; it would have been impossible to keep working without my daytime family. The prospect of no longer seeing them every day is still difficult to come to terms with. But friendships endure. We'll still laugh about shared memories and in-jokes. We will celebrate the amazing things that happen in the future. Our lives will evolve but our paths will never diverge too far from one another. Of that I'm certain.

Right now I'm experiencing a range of contrasting emotions; sometimes I am a bit scared of the complete unknown. However I'm also quite relieved by my decision, and a bit more relaxed, and I care slightly less about trivial things, which is actually pretty healthy. Mostly, I'm really excited about the great possibilities that lie ahead.

Peace x