So, how have you been?

Oh hi there!

For someone who self-identifies as a writer, I've not been very good at tapping the keys in the direction of this here blog. My apologies. It's been something of a whirlwind since last we spoke. I left my previous job, which was a yuge deal. My friends gave me the most wonderful send-off, and it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge them here. So, thank you Casswinder, Sarwah, Dixsitta, C-Ry, my Obs homies, and everyone who dropped in or sent lovely messages. It was a beautiful day that warmed my heart more than I can adequately express. It's been less than two months, but it feels like a lifetime ago since I left; and whilst I certainly miss the people, I don't miss the job. It was the right decision in March, and remains the same now.

I've also been on holiday, ain't I? The fam took a trip to Florida, which was beaut as always. Classic Calamity Jen occurred though, obviously; there was a heatwave (in an already sweltering destination, I know), in which temperatures sailed far beyond the mid-30s (plus humidity), and your jolly pale narrator developed heatstroke. Outstanding effort. I was fine for the first week, then became a bit over-confident and sat out for too long on a blisteringly hot afternoon. When I eventually decided to go inside for a reprieve, there was a lady being treated for heatstroke en route (she was OK though!), and I thought wow good decision Jenwah, you have been saved from the fate of Icarus. Unfortunately, the following morning it hit me. I've been to Florida nine times; almost every time I've been sunburnt, had a couple of dodgy tums, but I've never had heatstroke. And I've been in July. So I think there is some truth to the idea that after your first proper heatstroke, you're a bit more susceptible to it. Thanks for that, Frisco. Actually, it was my own fault. Sitting on an open-top bus for a couple of hours in (another) unexpected heatwave wasn't the best choice. Learn from my mistake, lads. Respect the sun and stay hydrated innit. And forgive me if I don't fancy events that involve heat and/or sun; I'm not being a brat, I'm just a bit tired of feeling faint for a couple of weeks afterwards. Icy bants? I am THERE. Anyway, aside from the heatstroke, I had a lovely time! I was apprehensive about visiting Trump's America, but I didn't notice much of a change. Saw a couple of Trump/Pence signs, that was about it. I had a brilliant conversation with a skycap just before we flew home; he assured me that there were less than four years to go, and everything would be put right. I hope for his sake that his prediction comes true.

As well as all of that excitement, I turned THIRTY at the end of May. When I turned twenty, I was thoroughly disgruntled with the apparent loss of my youth. At this milestone, I feel completely different. It has restored my hope, given me new focus, and re-affirmed the faith I have in myself to implement the changes that I want in my life. I'm also trialling the command to 'respect your elders', to limited success. I will persevere. I had a fabulous celebration with my close family and best friends on the day, and I've been thoroughly spoiled with presents and bougie dinners ever since. I am very grateful for all of the time and effort that has been showered upon me.

Since leaving my previous job, I have found my way into freelance writing. It was almost by chance; I'd joined a freelance platform and secured my first job, a small data entry task. The person who hired me checked my profile and found that I am a writer, then offered me a regular writing gig. In the words of Terry Tibbs, I couldn't fackin' believe it. I'm just starting out, so I have to be realistic about my hourly rate, but I'm being paid to build a portfolio, which is a hard thing to come by, so I am bare haps. The people I work with are also really kind and give great feedback; for example, on Friday I was told I am a 'copy wizard', which was a lovely boost, and got me thinking about whether I can deduct a wizard costume as a business expense. I'll keep you posted.

Aside from all of that, I am trying to get to grips with the healthy vibes. My mind is starting to feel rested, and sincere happiness on a regular basis is beginning to creep in. I haven't done a great deal of exercise since I came back from Florida, and if I'm completely honest, I've been a bit apprehensive about overheating and taking steps backward in terms of heat tolerance. But I have to try to get past it. One thing at a time. Right now, I'm re-focusing on getting my eating right. During the weekdays, I'm doing much better. It's in the evening, whilst I'm waiting for my parents to come home so I can serve dinner, that Mr Snack and the Snackettes start calling out to me with their siren song. I'm finding the Instagram account to be helpful in terms of accountability, however, and I'll be uploading my second vlog this week. The first one can be found here.

So, that's me! Very nice to be back. Jah bless!

Peace x

All good things.

I've written so many posts, on this here blog, about the importance of following our dreams. I've asked you, what would you do if you weren't afraid? I've told you, we are here for too brief a time not to pursue a wonderful life. And yet, for all those pretty words, I've not demonstrated commitment to my own ambitions. I have whinged about the stress of my job, allowed it to make me ill, and patched the damage with temporary solutions. The security of a regular salary, and the desire to fill the spaces of my life with things, pushed me so far from my aspirations that the route back to them seemed too risky to ever pursue.

Until recently, that is. I've had plenty of reminders that time is precious, and it's never guaranteed. Over a number of years I have told myself there would be a right time to go for it, possibly announced by an angel dressed in a bed sheet and a tinsel halo. Then I remembered that my life is not a nativity play. ALAS.

I realised that the right time might never reveal itself so clearly. And that in actual fact, there might never be a more opportune time than right now. So I did something for me.

I resigned.

Just like that. It was two weeks ago today, during what should have been my quarterly review. My new manager (as of February) was so sweet about it, even though it must have been a complete shock. Side note: this decision has absolutely nothing to do with him, nor my previous manager. I have been blessed with outstanding managerial bants.

As soon as I told him, I quite literally felt a burden begin to lift. Don't get me wrong; I am eternally grateful that the company simply gave me a chance. The job market in 2010 was savage, and it was certainly a gamble to take on someone with two very expensive pieces of paper but no experience in clinical research. If I'm completely honest, I didn't know what my job acronym meant for about three days. Still, a temporary admin job transformed into a permanent role, which eventually begat a junior monitor position, and now I find myself juggling responsibilities and doing things that I once thought impossible, every day. But the role itself is no longer right for me, and vice versa. There's no shame in admitting that. I had very little confidence at the age of 23, and while it's still a work-in-progress, I'm proud of the fierce determination that has emerged in the person I am now.

So, what's the plan? Firstly, I'm taking three months off. YIKES, RIGHT!? Not really. The last few summers have been rough in terms of mental health and tropical office conditions, and I don't want to reach the stage where the prospect of warmth becomes an irrational fear. So I'm going to do lots of nice summer things, like reading in the sunshine, walking barefoot on grass, and wearing short dungarees. Basically a supersoaker and a paddling pool away from the actual 90s. I'm also planning to do a lot of writing. The goal is to finish my novel, which is currently in the second draft stage. I'll be focusing on my health, too. The break will be good for my brain, and the time will allow me to improve my fitness, complimenting the healthy eating I've maintained since January. Finally, and most importantly, I'm clearing the calendar to make space for my peeps. I've been off the radar for too long; I want to spend my precious time with lovely people. Beyond that, I'm considering a PhD, perhaps contracting for a while, or full-time writing. Maybe it'll be something new entirely.

I have been inspired, as I often am, by my amazing friends. Whether it's buying a one-way ticket to India, or climbing Kilimanjaro, or becoming a paediatric nurse, or having the courage to leave teaching for a new career, or pursuing musical aspirations, or running marathons, or simply doing what you love; there is plenty of motivation to go around. I am grateful for all of you.

It would be remiss of me to finish this post without mentioning the most difficult aspect of leaving my current job; the people. The strength of any organisation lies with its employees. I am extremely fortunate to have worked with dozens (hundreds? Lol turnover...) of talented people from all over the world, who have shown me support, guidance, kindness, and most importantly, friendship. Most of you know how turbulent the last seven years have been; it would have been impossible to keep working without my daytime family. The prospect of no longer seeing them every day is still difficult to come to terms with. But friendships endure. We'll still laugh about shared memories and in-jokes. We will celebrate the amazing things that happen in the future. Our lives will evolve but our paths will never diverge too far from one another. Of that I'm certain.

Right now I'm experiencing a range of contrasting emotions; sometimes I am a bit scared of the complete unknown. However I'm also quite relieved by my decision, and a bit more relaxed, and I care slightly less about trivial things, which is actually pretty healthy. Mostly, I'm really excited about the great possibilities that lie ahead.

Peace x