Until Then, We’ll Have to Muddle Through Somehow

I love Christmas. Everything about it. Glitter! Lights! Music! Celebrations! Novelty knitwear! Bank holiday cinematic stalwarts! Rampant consumerism! All of it.

This year is different. I want to be excited about Christmas, but I’m apprehensive. It’s always hard to be upbeat after bereavement, or indeed any difficult phase of life. Christmas is simultaneously the happiest and saddest time of the year.

I was today years old when I found out there are two distinct versions of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I previously thought lyric variations were just C r E a T i V i T y. As it turns out, there’s a sad version (the original) and the later, in-the-present-happiness version.

The original – sung by Judy Garland in Meet Me in St Louis – is sombre, yet hopeful. It recognises that this year isn’t easy, but looks to the future with a belief that life will be better, and good times will reign again. There’s a beautiful, pared-down rendition by Jon Batiste and Danielle Brooks on Spotify that fits perfectly with the sentiment of the lyrics.



These are the original lyrics:

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
Next year all our troubles will be
Out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the yule-tide gay
Next year all our troubles will be
Miles away

Once again as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more 

Someday soon, we all will be together
If the fates allow
Until then, well have to muddle through somehow
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now.

This is exactly how I look at Christmas this year. We’ll still have presents under the tree and animated chatter around the table. But there are two people missing, and the whole thing might not be as effortless as in previous years. Still, we’ll persevere, do our best, and look forward to the lightness and joy of future Christmases.

After a long year of hookin’…

Today marks a whole year since I took up crochet. I tried to learn a few times previously, but my initial enthusiasm waned immediately in response to the usual novice hooker annoyances; wonky chains, dropped stitches, extra-tight tension, and first sample pieces that resembled a small trapezium army. Mum always tried to help, but my all-or-nothing attitude jumped right out, causing an incredible sulk and a vow never to try crochet again. Which is very positive behaviour for a grown adult.

Anyway, this time last year I decided to give it another go. One of my best friends was about to have her first baby, and the lovely blankets and clothes my Mum made inspired me to try again. I borrowed one of her 4mm hooks and some spare DK and cued up a few YouTube videos. I wanted to do it that way, because if I ended up having a strop (and ofc I did), it would only be directed at a screen. Mum gave me a hand when I needed it, and gradually it all began to click. I made my first granny square within a couple of days, and haven’t looked back since.

I love crochet. It's been one of the greatest – and most surprising – joys of my life. That might sound a bit OTT, but it’s absolutely true. It’s a source of achievement, comfort, and relaxation; a creative outlet that’s taught me an actual skill. I really appreciate handmade things, and it’s been lovely to give special presents to my friends and family that I’ve crafted from start to finish.

There’s also a wonderful and vibrant online crochet community, particularly on Instagram, Reddit, YouTube, and Ravelry. People are always supportive, and they’re willing to hype every kind of project, whether you’re a beginner, expert, or somewhere in between. Alongside my irl homies who hook, it’s just a lovely collective of crochet queens.

Speaking of hooking heroes, my most beloved crochet YouTubers are:

Jayda In Stitches – My absolute favourite! Jayda is a quirky Canadian with a gentle demeanour and lovely teaching style. She goes through everything slowly and clearly, which has been instrumental in my learning process. Jayda’s tutorials helped me to unlock granny squares, C2C, the bean stitch, and cinch circles, and she’s currently teaching me to make Christmas decorations! I always go to Jayda’s channel first when I want to learn something new, and I can’t recommend her highly enough.

Blossom Crochet – A very sweet lady who loves her sparkly rainbow wool! Her tutorials are well-paced and easy to understand. And if you need a left-handed tutorial, she films alternate versions of pretty much everything.

Bella Coco – I reckon most folks have heard already heard of Bella Coco, with good reason – she has a tutorial for everything on her YouTube channel. She taught me how to master the waffle stitch, which I love for scarves, wraps, and small blankets. I’m also learning Tunisian crochet with her!

Persia Lou/Alexis Middleton – The first crochet tutorial I ever watched – before I even braved the hook again – was her simple chunky beanie. I’ve now made it a few times, and it’s still one of my favourites. Her blog is also a handy resource.

Crochet Crowd – Mikey is a charming, talented crochet king. His tutorials are easy to follow and you’ll find just about anything crochet-related on his channel.

Fiber Flux – Jennifer's channel is beautifully organised (check out her playlists) and she has a lovely range of beginner projects, as well as more technical pieces, unique items, and product reviews.

If you've been thinking about learning to crochet, go for it! This is an especially good time of year to get started; there's nothing like wrapping up warm in a scarf, hat, or blanket you've made from scratch.

Here's to many more years of happy hooking!

Thank you for waiting.

Did you know that on New Year’s Eve 1994, the good people of Kiribati moved their clocks forward by 15 hours, creating a brand new time zone? The International Date Line was redrawn in the South Pacific, swerving around the tiny nation’s islands. Finally, everyone in Kiribati worked to the same time.

Just like Kiribati, a special time zone exists around me. It’s called Jenah Standard Time (JST), and its divergence from the meridian is quite unpredictable.

JST’s flexibility is part of its spurious charm. Sometimes it’s 15 minutes early, often it’s at least 10 minutes late, and very rarely, it’s in harmony with the rest of the world.

JST is a pain. I know it is. Some of you have been waiting for a lot longer than 10 minutes. Even this blog has waited for two-and-a-half years!

But you have waited, with patience, compassion, and unyielding kindness. You know and I know that I’m not myself right now. I haven’t been for a while. And while I take tiny steps to get back in sync with the loud, opinionated, hilarious, very cool, extremely fashionable, and faultlessly modest person I am at my best, I know that you’ll still wait for me. What I don’t know is why or how I am so blessed to have you.

So, this is a massive thank you. For accepting every version of me.